Detroit Hate City

Written by LTL

hello_from_detroit

Been a snoozefest out there in the hockey world but got a great email from "Sparky" that he gave me permission to share here. If you like that dump up north you may want to skip this one.

This past weekend, I took part in a conversation regarding the power that certain words hold. Whether racial, sexual, or class related, some words just have different meanings for different people. And not just negative words, either. If you tell someone you are "feeling wonderful", that may differ from my expectations of the same phrase.

However, there is one word that most of us - regardless of our position in life - are taught never to use because of its universal implication. That word is "hate", and even though my parents told me long ago that I shouldn't use it, I'm going to bring it up from the bad-word cellar, dust it off, and let it breathe for a moment. Here we go:

I hate the Detroit Red Wings.

First, let me point out that this is not the same type of disdain I have for, say, the Baltimore Ravens and Ray Lewis. That's a whole 'nother level that (mostly) us Cleveland fans hold deep, down in the blackness of our souls. No, this is more of a respect-but-still-despise type of hate - just enough to get me cursing under my breath.

I'm a fairly new hockey fan (compared to a lot of the people I've met) so this tends to make me laugh. Seeing as how prior to the Jackets' first season in 2000, my main avenue of exposure to Detroit's team was the Gordie Howe sweater that Cameron wore during "Ferris Bueller's Day Off".

Still, whether watching from home or live at the arena, no other team gets my union blue blood boiling like those red a-holes from up the road. Even during the slow days of the off-season, in the back of my mind, I'm still thinking of ways to incorporate "F--- Detroit" into the lyrics of songs.

So where does this hate come from?

Is it the Ohio State and Michigan connection? Buckeyes love to hate on some Wolverines, and vice versa, so that would make sense. But I don't hate the Detroit Tigers in baseball, and I think Ted Nugent is sometimes funny, so that's probably not it.

Maybe it's how the Wings' unis remind me of the Soviet Union get-ups during the Cold War era. Hey, if Rocky and Ivan Drago can learn to get along (after a good ole' fashion underdog ass-whoopin' from the USA southpaw), then I can too.

Is it their fans?

I'm aware that every team in every sport has their good and bad fans - I get that. There are definitely times when I've crossed the line (i.e.: giving Brent Seabrook the throat-slash gesture and telling him he wouldn't make it out of Columbus alive), so I wouldn't begrudge anyone for slipping up occasionally. I've also had quite a few good conversations with some nice folks at the Anchor Bar in downtown Detroit after a taking in a game at The Joe.

It could be just the Wings fans in Columbus. There is not a worse feeling than being at Nationwide for a game and seeing those patches of red in the crowd. Or having to hear the cheers of approval for the Wings' transition in the neutral zone and the ease with which they move the puck.

Add those up with some numbskull producing a dead octopus from the crotch of his pants in an attempt to land it on the ice during the game, and you've got yourself a gourmet-style hate pie ... fresh from the oven.

Additionally, they have a world-class organization, are competitive every year, and tend to think of Columbus as their little kid brother. But that wouldn't bother me if they just weren't so damn arrogant.

It's like every time Tomas Holmstrom's goofy smile invades the crease and manages to score, some magic fairy sprinkles Cocky Dust on the entire Red Wings nation. Then I have to listen to them brag about how great they are (aka: used to be) after the game, while they give me that "you guys will be good in awhile - just not as good as us!" routine. Something of a condescending acknowledgement.

Many of them, perhaps hoping to avoid an altercation amidst CBJ fans, have even said "Oh, I root for Columbus when they're not playing Detroit. I actually like you guys".

Well guess what? We don’t' like you and we don't want your pity.

But I DO want to give the Wings fans some friendly advice: for a place that's supposedly "Hockeytown", you might want to print out some cardboard cutouts of fans to fill up the empty seats the next time you're in the playoffs. It just looks bad.

Who knows, maybe the wheels will come off the bus for Detroit soon. When that happens, I'll laugh for a bit and savor the moment. But until then, I'm going against what my parents taught me and putting extra hate sauce on this pizza. (Hold the octopus).